I fight hard for my eldest daughter. I battle with professionals to get her what she needs. I take her out on day trips with her younger sister and we all have fun and make good memories. I go up to her room at bedtime to chat to her about the good things from our day and then tell her I love her and kiss her goodnight.
I use PACE a lot. I’m pretty good at wondering with her about what is going on under the surface; what’s driving her behaviour. I plan activities, structure our home lives etc. I try to parent her in the very best way possible.
At the moment I’m doing an attachment parenting course. Last week the psychologist running the course asked me if I thought the emotional connection was there for me. It was asked in a supportive way. Not in any way to criticise. And I answered truthfully.
How does a parent remain emotionally engaged after 4 years of rejection?
I’m sure there are parents who do. I try. I try very hard. But I guess if I’m honest then the answer is probably no.
I’ve thought about this all week. I do know that the fact she isn’t able to love me still makes me cry. So there must be something there.
I hope and pray she doesn’t know how much I struggle with this. I’m guessing the professionals would say that she must know.
What does this make me? Human? A failure? Unworthy?
I don’t know
Your an amazing woman and mom.
Honest and human! ….and very very caring.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You’ve voiced exactly how I feel. I think it makes you honest and amazing. We all know what a fantastic parent you are. Hugs
Very human and very honest. It’s so hard to say though.
Very honest, and strikes a chord for me too. Well done on doing what you do day in day out in spite of your internal struggles. Thank you for sharing.
It makes you human!!!! You have dealt with this for years! Rejection is the worst! You are doing amazing! Do NOT think badly about yourself!
Thank you for your honesty, this is a struggle to love and attach to a child that can not return the love. I’m certain there are plenty moms who feel it and can not speak it. I’ve been there!
It’s so hard to keep on giving and receive so little in response. Well done on your honesty.