It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged and there are several reasons for that. Sadly there are a couple of people who read this blog and take some pleasure in our tough times and that has put me off writing for a long time. There also came a point for me where things got so bad that I just couldn’t face putting it in print! But here I am anyway…
I am living with a child who loathes the very fact I exist. It amazes me the amount of venom that my now 7 yr old hurls at me. As a therapeutic parent I know I should rejoice in the fact she now feels safe enough to show how she feels about me. But it is relentless. She recently said quite calmly ‘I don’t know why I feel this way about you but I just hate being anywhere near you. There’s nothing about you I like’. I would feel a bit more comfortable if this was said in anger but she almost seems confused by the amount of hatred she has for me. If I even sit in the same room as her she clearly shows how disgusted she is by me. This is how she is about 95% of the time when we are alone as a family. Obviously in public it is all smiles! She is devoid of empathy so is oblivious to the impact this has on me. On the odd occasion when I have broken down in tears she has shrugged, looked blank and walked away. Mostly I feel sad for her. This is no way for a 7 yr old to live. She seems so alone.
I’m a single mum so it’s not like she has another parent to love and to give her the love and physical reassurance she needs. I hate the fact she goes through life unable to accept my love, my cuddles or even a gentle touch – it feels very wrong to me and she deserves so much more than this. I also worry about the impact on my younger daughter who sees this every day and has become even more anxious and clingy as her sister’s behaviour has deteriorated.
There is no help for people like us. That has its advantages as I no longer have the additional stress of dealing with unsupportive professionals at Camhs or the placing authority. They have made it clear we are on our own. So we plod along surviving a day at a time and hoping that something is going to change for the better
3girlstogether 
Hugs my dear dear friend xx
Huge hugs xxxx
Makes me so cross that you have been left to cope with this alone. Thinking of you x
Thank you. Know I need to do something to change things but I also know it’s going to involve another almighty fight to get anywhere. Trying to get myself strong enough for the battle ahead!
Wish I had some advice or wise words to offer. I have no idea what I would do in your situation. Your strength and love is evident. I hope she comes around.
This must be really tough. I hope things improve somehow.
I don’t know what to say – except – I have know some foster kids (and Children’s Home kids) who were so damaged by events in their childhood or teens that hated had become second nature to them and love had become a “foreign concept”. Sometimes they gradually got better is the most optimistic way I can put it.
http://livingworldsedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/meeting-my-birth-mother.html
There are no words to help, just so incredible anger that you have been left to get on with it. I hope you can find your way through.
This is so sad and horrible for all of you. I can not believe you’ve been left so very much on your own. How can that be right?? I want to welcome you back to blogging because may be here you can find a little bit of the enormous support you so desperately need. Please don’t be afraid to write if it helps you. Thanks for linking to #WASO Sending a massive hug. xx
Thanks for your kind words (and the hug!) x
Oh that must be so hard for you. I wish there was some wise words I could give to help. Big hugs to you and your girls
Wish I could cry with you and give you a break! I know how that type of relationship feels, but I don’t know how YOU feel with so little support. Hugs.
I’m so sorry that you are alone in this. I am also sorry that some people enjoy to see you struggle. Few things in life make me sadder than to hear of people who kick others when they are down. You definitely don’t deserve that.
It’s unbelievable that you aren’t getting any support. My heart goes out to you x
Oh my love. Much of what you say resonates, though I only have one and he is ambivalent, so has brief flashes of needing and wanting me. You do sound so alone, but please know there is a community around you, holding, comforting and empathising with you all the way.