Did they really say that?!

I’ve been thinking about the astonishing, ridiculous and downright rude things people have said to me since I’ve adopted Kitten and Bunny. Sadly there are far too many to mention so I’ve picked my top ten!

10. Are you sisters? (A colleague to the girls)

9. You girls are so cute. Come on you’re coming home to live with me now. (Same colleague as above at which point both my children stood up ready to leave me without a backwards glance)

8. If you give Kitten lots of hugs and kisses she’ll be fine in 6 months. (GP when I first mentioned concerns about Kitten’s behaviour and well being)

7. Don’t you think your anxiety is causing all the girls’ issues? If you could relax more there wouldn’t be any problems. (Girls’ SW when the above GP decided to ring her and tell her I was overanxious)

6. At least you can send them back if it gets too much for you. (Another colleague)

5. Why on earth did you adopt those two? (A fellow adopter on a course at CAHMS)

4. Sorry I think I stopped listening 5 minutes ago – I was out really late last night and I’m so tired. (Girls’ SW on a statutory visit pre Adoption Order. This happened on at least 3 occasions, I know I talk a lot but still…)

3. Have they been sexually abused? (An acquaintance within the girls’ hearing)

2. Do you have any children of your own? (First thing consultant at CAMHS ever said to me)

1. I know it’s a shame that Kitten has RAD but think of all the children in Africa who are starving. It really could be worse. (Consultant at CAMHS)

Each comment at the time had me fuming and ranting. Looking back at this list now I can smile at people’s ignorance and stupidity. Happily I have also had many more lovely, supportive and perceptive comments but I’ll save those for another day!


14 thoughts on “Did they really say that?!

  1. footballmum

    I wish i was shocked by the comments but unfortunately, I have heard many of them. I am sure most are meant the “right Way” but come from ignorance. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Kaithe Greene

    As someone who has had very little to do with adoption I admit to ignorance. However, I have a family member who is raising my awareness on matters adoption. And, yes football mum, you are right – most of our daft comments are well meaning. How many of us have not opened our mouth and put our foot firmly (and well meaningly) in it at some time or another? Please find it in your hearts to forgive the ignorant comments that hurt, and help us to understand so that we can be more genuinely supportive, or at least avoid thoughtlessly hurting or harming.

    1. Mamaoftwo Post author

      Kaithe I think you make a very good point. I know the colleagues who made the comments above didn’t mean to cause offence and I find it easy to forgve them. It’s bit harder to forgive professionals who should know better and often hold our futures in their hands. It’s wonderful that your family member has someone like you; keen to find out how best to support them. I’m sure they appreciate it

  3. Lindsay

    I just found your blog through Waso and….wow. I’m always amazed when I read things like this. I’ve had a few comments but nothing to the extent our amount that you have. The ignorance of some people is just astonishing. Glad you have also had many positive comments too:)

  4. mumdrah

    Hahahahaha. Its really not funny at all, is it. It shows how fractured and uncaring our world has become. That so many of your examples come from professionals is just mid boggling.

    Our ‘best one’ came the day after receiving the news her mum had died. A woman looked her straight in her nine year old eyes and said “but i guess it doesn’t matter too much, because you have a new mummy anyway”.

    But then, people are always going to have questions. CHT and I have a secret mini eye roll accompanied by a smile. We use those situations to strengthen our understanding of each other.

  5. thepuffindiaries

    I wish I was shocked but unfortunately not. One of your comments suggests that some people do say silly things without thinking at times, and you know what she’s right. I know I’ve wished, at times, that I could retract a statement made because of the ignorance/stupidity it reflected. However when these statements come from professionals working within adoption or a professional that should show more understanding (your GP) I find it very hard to forgive this ignorance.

    Thank you for sharing your post on #WASO

  6. Sarah Griffiths

    Unfortunately they are all too familiar to me too – one to add to your list that’s gets on my nerves most is “where’s her real mum ?” But I think the most offensive ones are “oh she’s white then?” As if it’s relevant? But this is probably more a statement of ignorance as many people only associate adoption with Anjelina Jolie of Madonna ah well we are the lucky ones as we know exactly where our beautiful girls mums are – right here looking after them x


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